A Baby's Photo Montage of the Goatshow: A Wedding Between Digital Scrapbooking and Online Photo Books

Babies are the most innocent of us all.  Regardless of how much death they have caused, they bear no responsibility for their actions.  Some have hypothesized that because babies are so stupid and young and fat, that they would be perfect candidates in the field of journalism.  They have no preconceptions or conceptions of any kind since they have not even reached puberty.  They are not hesitant to show their emotions and unabashedly bawl their disapproval with little regard to anyone else's feelings.  Truly, their brutal honesty makes them ideal reporters of truth and objectivity.  That is why I have hired a few babies of my own to report their latest thoughts and then record them down into digital scrapbooks and online photo books.

Our youth has been growing up faster than ever! Every generation, milestones in our human development have been occurring earlier and earlier. Soon, babies will be buying sports cars and cheating on their wives! The time it takes for a human child to develop into a fully-grown adult is rapidly approaching zero. Soon, our children will be born with children of their own! ... But that is for another article and another day.

As i was saying, our children are now growing faster and faster.  I asked what babies like to do these days for fun and received a unanimous answer: Watching the goatshow!  "The goatshow? What is the goatshow" I wondered out loud.  In typical adolescent fashion, they each smacked their foreheads, perhaps in an effort to retard their biological growth spurts, and explained to me in great detail what the "Hellion" (slang for heezy) they were talking about.

If you've ever played Final Fantasy VII or seen one of my final fantasy 7 online photos books, you would know that the livestream is some mystical force used by the planet to maintain balance and harmony.  These baby rascals have re-appropriated this term to mean some sort of online video streaming website so I guess I have no choice but to excise squaresoft's cultural classic from my memory.

The goatshow... it's actually quite simple when these babies explained it to me.  It's a "livestream" of some guy named goatrope playing starcraft 2 while talking to himself and some pre-recorded voices.  It sounds a bit odd in description and even weirder when watching yourself.  The babies promise me that it really is quite a compelling narrative and so again, I am forced to bow down to the next generation's disrespectful ways.  

Honestly, I was completely perplexed by this entire exchange so I just asked for them to produce some digital scrapbooks or online photo books for me to understand the situation.  Finally, it was only after viewing these babys' photos montages was I able to grasp the concept hidden behind their incomprehensible gibberish.  The goatshow is essentially a digital scrapbook, or a wedding montage, or a greeting card of some sort that has been taken and transformed into some sort of stitched-together monstrosity that shows millions of photos shown rapidly in succession (anywhere from ten to sixty pictures per second!).  Barely suppressing my revulsion and disgust, I have to grudgingly admit defeat to this new age of digital scrapbooking.  I was going to tell these little babies to get out of my house but unfortunately they couldn't understand a word i was saying at this point, due to the inevitable onset of Alzheimer's or other such dementia.